I'll throw in my favorite joke.
A man woke up in his bed one morning horribly hung over. He felt like hell, but he found some asprin and a glass of water by his bed. His wife left him a note saying "Here's something for your head. I'm at work, but you should take the day off."
The fellow staggered through the hall to the kitchen where he found his son getting ready for school. On the table was some breakfast already laid out for him- pancakes, eggs, bacon, and a cup of black coffee. "What's this?" the father asked. "Mom left you some breakfast to help the hangover wear off." said the man's son.
The dad was perplexed. "What happened last night?"
"You came home drunk last night from Uncle Charlie's bachelor party." Said the kid. "Mom was pissed."
"Yikes" said the man, "then what happened?"
"You stumbled in and knocked down a picture frame. Then you threw up in the hall and woke up the baby". Said his son, casually pouring some cereal into a bowl.
"Wait a second!" said the dad. "That doesn't make sense. If things were so aweful last night, why the asprin? Why the breakfast and the note?!" He cried.
"Well," said his son as he began eating, "After you threw up mom tried to change you into your pajamas. You put up a fight because you were so wasted. When she started taking off your pants you yelled 'Get off me, lady- I'm married!'"