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Old 02-04-2011, 06:46 AM
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Unhappy Pray For Me Please

As you guys may know Im a recovering addict of almost 2 years Praise the lord! He's guided me and kept my faith strong. But sadly my wife of 10 years and mother of my only child has'nt been able to keep her sobriety. Ive encouraged her several times to go to NA with me more often and me and my 7 year old have asked here persistantly every Sunday to attend church with us. But no luck. We've prayed for her and for God to heal her, but he's given people choices and free will and she hasnt gottin any better. She also suffers from depression and bipolor which has also progressed with age. At 18 she was no more confusing than any other female. No offence to any ladies on this thread. But over the years its progressed as a few doctors and other people have told me it could. But being a christian man I stood beside her. I vowed to God that I would be there through sickness and health. And this part confuses me on whats right for me to do. I know somewhere in her is a kind hearted careing woman. But the mental illness and drugs are drowning that person. Ive been dealing with this for several years and sometimes thought "she" was my cross to bear for the sinful things Ive done. Might sound crazy, I know. But I tried. I would work, cook, clean and care for my little girl and her at times as if she was a child. Getting her to stay away from certain people, places and things. To shower and eat. And so on. But Ive given up. She left to get cigarettes Fri night and never returned home till the next morning. I woudnt normally pry into her personal buisness, but at 1AM Fri. night I felt it was my place as her husband to see what was going on. Well to my suprise she was "looking for Females and couples to "play" with" ! This was the point I packed my child and myself up and left to my parents temporaraly. Ive filed for emergency & full custody and a divorce. I cannot and will not live with this type of person. Nor will I allow my child. She's been raised in the church and has a soft heart and a good moral compass from what I can see. Again she's only 7 as of Dec.. But Im scared that my wife will go into harms way without me there "babysitting" her. Sounds bad, I Know! But thats how I feel sometimes. Do you think divorce is a sin in Gods eyes in this case? Should I endure this life with her and continue to try to help her? Any input on this would be helpful and please pray for little girl, me and my wife that she gets the help she needs without me around.
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Old 02-04-2011, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by RCaddict0 View Post
As you guys may know Im a recovering addict of almost 2 years Praise the lord! He's guided me and kept my faith strong. But sadly my wife of 10 years and mother of my only child has'nt been able to keep her sobriety. Ive encouraged her several times to go to NA with me more often and me and my 7 year old have asked here persistantly every Sunday to attend church with us. But no luck. We've prayed for her and for God to heal her, but he's given people choices and free will and she hasnt gottin any better. She also suffers from depression and bipolor which has also progressed with age. At 18 she was no more confusing than any other female. No offence to any ladies on this thread. But over the years its progressed as a few doctors and other people have told me it could. But being a christian man I stood beside her. I vowed to God that I would be there through sickness and health. And this part confuses me on whats right for me to do. I know somewhere in her is a kind hearted careing woman. But the mental illness and drugs are drowning that person. Ive been dealing with this for several years and sometimes thought "she" was my cross to bear for the sinful things Ive done. Might sound crazy, I know. But I tried. I would work, cook, clean and care for my little girl and her at times as if she was a child. Getting her to stay away from certain people, places and things. To shower and eat. And so on. But Ive given up. She left to get cigarettes Fri night and never returned home till the next morning. I woudnt normally pry into her personal buisness, but at 1AM Fri. night I felt it was my place as her husband to see what was going on. Well to my suprise she was "looking for Females and couples to "play" with" ! This was the point I packed my child and myself up and left to my parents temporaraly. Ive filed for emergency & full custody and a divorce. I cannot and will not live with this type of person. Nor will I allow my child. She's been raised in the church and has a soft heart and a good moral compass from what I can see. Again she's only 7 as of Dec.. But Im scared that my wife will go into harms way without me there "babysitting" her. Sounds bad, I Know! But thats how I feel sometimes. Do you think divorce is a sin in Gods eyes in this case? Should I endure this life with her and continue to try to help her? Any input on this would be helpful and please pray for little girl, me and my wife that she gets the help she needs without me around.

I am not a religious person...but you are doing 100% the right thing brother! You, as a parent, are obliged to take care of your child. And with a person in the household with the sicknesses (and lack of motivation to seek help), you are doing the right thing by filing for divorce and seeking 100% custody. You can remain friends and TRY and help your child's mother out. But just make sure you get out. Don't try and be the saint here and think by staying with her you are doing the right thing. Judging by the way you described her you would only be hurting yourself, your child, and your friends and family. She needs help. You can guide her to it, but if she doesn't want it then it's on her. As the saying goes...."you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink".
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Old 02-04-2011, 11:54 AM
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Thats it, Ive tried to get her help several times. For years Ive tried and tried. Been hit, cursed at and takin advantage of. She gets better briefly. bUT we always end up at square one
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Old 02-04-2011, 06:11 PM
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Praying for you and your family. All GOD ask us to do is plant the seed and he takes care of everything else. I'll I can say brother is just keep on doing what your doing and being a good example. I prayed for my brother for 20 years to come to the LORD. Two years ago he ask Christ into his life and now is helping out in the youth group at his church and taking classes to become a youth pastor. So pray for her everyday and I will do the same.
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Old 02-04-2011, 07:06 PM
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Thanks, I really dont have to many people to talk this over with. Since changing my lifestyle my little girl is pretty much my best freind. You guys are all I have. Im not just tryin to put my life out there for pitty. Just lookin for others thoughts and opinions. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers
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Old 02-04-2011, 08:52 PM
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I will be praying for you and your family bud. I really hope that she can find the light of the Lord in the ways that you and I have. I think you are doing the right thing by taking your child out of that situation at least until you can figure things out. I really hope for everyones sake though that your wife can come clean and live the life that the Lord has promised to us all. You know we are always here for you if you need anything! Love in Christ brother!
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Old 02-05-2011, 06:33 PM
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Old 02-05-2011, 07:10 PM
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I'm new to RCTECH but my prayers are with you. I feel God meant for a marriage to be for life but I also feel that God is forgiving in the sense that when children are involved the responsible parent has to do what's right by that child.
I will pray for your wife that she finds peace with our Lord and pray for you and your child that the both of you have a wonderful and peaceful God filled life. God Bless!!
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Old 02-07-2011, 08:29 AM
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Hey Addict---Wow, what a tough story to read! My heart goes out to you, brother!

First off, let me say that I commend you for trying so hard to save your marriage, and to deal with your wife's ongoing problems. And even more so, so does God! I also want to say that I, too, am divorced and dealt with some similar issues that you are having to deal with---not quite as bad, but similar. My ex-wife ended up getting involved with another guy, kicked ME out, and then ended up marrying him after their affair....long story, but that's enough to let you know where I am coming from with my advice.

Most importantly, as you know, you need to keep praying about it and surrounding yourself with Godly counsel and support. We know that in Malachi it says that God hates divorce, and doesn't allow it unless your wife has been unfaithful (Mat 19:9). And even then, divorce would NEVER be what God wants---ever. I can say with all assurance that God would rather you continue to try and salvage your marriage with your wife. If you have to legally seperate from her to keep your child safe (and your own sanity), then do it, but if you can find the strength to not file for that divorce and give God more time to work on her, I know at the VERY least, God will bless you for it. I know it won't be easy, but I know you can do it if you truly ask God for help, and totally commit to doing it with God's help.

After going through this similar kinda stuff, I can tell you that divorce never really solves ANYTHING. In reality, it only complicates things for the rest of your life. When I was going through it, I had an older lady that I really respect from our church, that was divorced (for many years) after her husband beat the tar out of her for years, come up to me and ask me how I was doing. It was nearing the time of our divorce, and with tears welling up in my eyes, I told her I was doing better and that the pain was lessoning. She looked me deep in the eyes and said---"Brad, you haven't even taken the first bite off of the plate of pain that divorce serves you". And I can tell you that now, 8 years later, she was right. Divorce never really solves anything for a believer, and it is NEVER 'final', especailly if you have kids. The pain never really goes away....

I don't know you and your whole situation, but I do know divorce, and that part of you dies when it happens, and that you are NEVER the same person----ever.

Even though my ex done the bad deed of unfaithfulness, and even though she is the one that paid for and filed for the divorce (I refused), I STILL wish SO hard that I had tried harder! I know had I given it more of an effort, that God could've brought us through it! Or at the very least, I would have less regrets, knowing that I truly gave it my all! I THOUGHT I gave it my all then, but after years to reflect, it wasn't even close!

So my advice to you is to wait. Wait for God to work in her heart, cuz if she is truly a Christian He WILL get her attention eventually, or He may take her home if she refuses to repent. If you need to seperate, then go for it, but just wait......wait on God, who can do anything.

Also, make sure that you only talk with people that are Christians about this. Non-believers don't live by God's Word, and therefore cannot share Godly wisdom and advice with you. The 'world' will tell you---heck yeah! Divorce her!! She's not worth it! Move on, you deserve to be happy!! It's YOUR life, too!! Etc...

But God says---love her anyway. Pray to Me, and wait for me to work, and look for My strength through this. As Charles Stanley always says---"Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him".

We can NEVER go wrong when we obey God, or do our best to honor His Word.

We know divorce is a sin and Biblically wrong, so ask yourself this----are you going to live by what you believe, or by what you feel? Because our feelings aren't always Godly, and are normally motivated by our desires to escape pain or seek pleasure.

I'll be praying for you and your wife, my brother! Be strong, give it to God who can heal all hurts and can turn anything around, no matter how bleak it looks to us. Our God is AWESOME!!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

God Bless!
Brad

Last edited by WYLDTHING; 02-07-2011 at 09:38 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 02-07-2011, 09:17 AM
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One other thing....

Your daughter is old enough that she will remember all this. So this is a HUGE opportunity to make a lasting impression on her, too. Will she remember daddy getting on his knees and praying to God for mommy (with her possibly?). And will she remember daddy sitting reading the Bible in the evening before he prays? Or will she remember only sadness, or anger, or frustration, or anxiety?

This very troubling time will leave an impression on her, no doubt, and you can make it a positive one by spending time in the Word and in prayer with her through it. I assure you, no matter what happens with your wife and marriage, your daughter would NEVER forget reading the Bible and praying for mommy with you. Never.....

This could be an opportunity to teach her about how to deal with trials in her life, and that turning to God is always the best answer, no matter what we face.

God Bless!
Brad

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Old 02-14-2011, 06:00 AM
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I understand what your sayin Brad. Actually me and Callie have prayed for her countless times. And I know its "for better or worse" and decieded many years ago that I would never consider divorce. Even after the repeated mental abuse, having my head split open twice. Comming home from work to my wife completely passed out drunk beyond belief and a few neighborhood collage kids passed out, then having her trash my house after I get there party clean up, then attacking me, smashing my glasses, then calling the police and having everyone in my home saying I attacked her(to keep there party spot) and spending 3 days in jail, everytime she gets angry threatining divorce(atleast once weekly, my little girl at 5 would ask us not to get a divorce) and leave me to explain that mommies sick and thats not going to happin. I have prayed for this womans sanity till I was blue in the face. I prayed for her sobriety twice as many times. Im learning now that this is a repeating pattern. She gets better, active, clean and then goes off the deep end. Back to violence, drugs, adultary, etc every year. But it gets worse every time. To add to all this...She does absolutly nothing productive. She doesnt work, cook, clean, anything. Im not saying she doesnt do enough. Im saying she does nothing at all. The last time I let my daughter stay home with her while I was at work she didnt get her homework done and had a bowl of cereal for dinner. My wife doesnt even help with our daughter. At all. I cant even recall a time when she got up and got our girl ready for school. Even if I worked late the night before. I am convinced she's evil. A bad soul. I used to think dealing with this was my cross to bear for my past life style. But my child is being exposed to some bad stuff and I dont want her to pick up on any of these traits. All this that I just said, is sadly only a part of this. It goes on and on. Steels from my grandmother, screams and curses at my neighbors, and really so much more. Believe be...Ive tried and tried, but God doesnt want this for me. I asked for his guidence on what to do about her and oddly enough thats the night she takes off and doesnt come home till the next morning druged and underslept. She calls the police, for what I dont know. She used to them locking me up. But since my lifestyle change Ive became freindly with many of my local PD and they know Im a good guy. So she was ordered to leave for 24 hours. When she called them she tried to say my 71 yr old grandmother across the street attacked her and get a good christian lady who has never done a thing wrong in her life to be jailed and proceeded to call my mother, aunt, and grandmother for the rest of the day and through out the night with scary threats. My 16 yr old sister was going to go out that night with her freinds, but was scared to leave my parents home due to the messages my wife was leaving. This all after I prayed for my Gods direction in life. Almost immediently this all went down. And to find on the computer about intending to have orgies, lesbian sex, etc
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Old 02-15-2011, 06:48 PM
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wow, that was hard for me to finish reading man. idk how you have stayed with it all these years. ive been trying to get Gods direction lately too, but ive been slipping and im trying to climb back up. but what im going to say to you is that a divorce will not hurt anything for you and God. imo it will only help especially with your daughter, its not good for here to see all that in her mother. she could see this and think that is how she is to behave when she gets older. plus there is a word in those posts that means divorce is ok, adultery Bible says if your spouse cheats on you its ok to divorce. and from what is happening when you ask for guidence i feel God wants you to get away from her. he has something better in store for you brother and your wife is keeping that from you. i know it will hurt but you can get through. im having sorta the same problems with my sister, i love her to death but she wont accept God, she parties, drinks, i think she started smoking, and maybe a few others. she dropped out of many colleges and has too many loans to pay off which she cant afford. she has killed 2 cars and had 1 repo'ed in a matter of 5 1/2 years. and she thinks that she has done no wrong. i just hope that God (metaphorically speaking) slaps her in the head. ive tried talking to her and it does no good.
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Old 02-16-2011, 06:32 AM
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Yea, its hard when you love the person. Thats the only reason Ive stuck through it so long. We ment when we where 18/20 and have kinda grown up together and faced so many problems and callanges together. Ive been warned that Bipolar would worsen with age, but never thought it would happin this fast. I honestly though this insanity would come about at 50-60+. Not 27! I mean, it hasent been all bad times. She kinda goes up and down. Two years ago we both got clean, got our selves together and life was good. Then she fell off the wagon. This was scary, but we got her back in out patent rehab and everything went back to normal. Then it slowly went back after 8 months or so. The fliping back and forth is what kept me hopeful. I though...She's better, we'll be alright. Then it spirals right back down. But everytime its worse. But this time I asked God for his guidence not her health. And BAMM! Everything was in my face. She had me convinced her head doctor was a bad lady. I decieded to visit this doctor with her to find shes a very nice lady. She was making the same suggestions that Ive been making and not giving her the drugs she thought she needed. Then I started to take a step back and look at the situation clearly. She's lieing to everyone about damn near everything. She takes peoples words and twist them to make them sound how she wants them to sound. She had this doctor investigated by our insurence company, snd sooo much more. But God has really opened my eyes here. Im seeing things without the blindness that love for a person a give you. And its scary. I dont even feel safe sleeping in the same house. But its still hurts my heart. I know without me she's more than likely end up dead. Her entire family has turned away from her. I was really all she had left. I pleaded with her and told her this. But in an addicts brain its everyone elses fualt for there problems. "Its my fualt they turned away from her. I told them she was on drugs" "Its my fualt she's even on drugs", Its the doctors fualt she not healthy. Its her parents fualt shes the way she is today. Its the systems fualt she's not where she needs to be. I can go on and on. But thank you guys for your support and thoughts. I have made some crumby choices in my life and Ive done some really bad things. But Im honestly tryin to become the man God wants me to be. I think theres a struggle there between the powers that be for my soul. But I am staying strong.
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Old 02-16-2011, 06:50 AM
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Praying for you buddy and your whole family GOD never gives us more them we can handle so keep your head up and keep walking strong just put your trust in GOD and HE will see you through

GOD BLESS BRO
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:33 AM
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Thanks!
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