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Marriage question, whats the Balance?

Marriage question, whats the Balance?

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Old 03-19-2010, 06:40 AM
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Default Marriage question, whats the Balance?

Ok, so i have a problem.

I don't NEED God anymore.

No i haven't given up on God, yes i am still a Faithful Follower, but I am realizing there is a problem in my relationship with Him.

Let me give you some back ground:
See for the last 5 years that i have been following God Faithfully, i have been single, and Lonely. When i got home from work I had plenty of time for God. In the morning , plenty of time for God. On the weekends plenty of time for God.

More than that I was a lonely man, I NEEDED some fulfillment outside of my self. It was just Me and God. Since i had made the commitment for purity before marriage a couple of years back when i came to faith, I wasn't fulfilling my desires with sex and frivolous relationships anymore. I NEEDED God.

Lets fast forward to today. I am no longer lonely, its no longer just me and God. I have been blessed with a Fiance' that blesses me daily. She is a light in my life, she takes care of my every need and nothing makes her happier(and me for that matter). Wow what a blessing from God. My faithfulness in Him has paid off...... but this blessing, not treated with respect, could also be my biggest downfall.

Now back to my problem:
This wonderful woman gives me everything i need in this world for confidence, satisfaction, love, compassion, and companionship... everything i used to rely on God to provide. With all that, what do i need God for........ hmmm seems like a deadly trap.

So now what. How do i balance this out? Having this other person in my life who resembles so many traits of God. She is so much more real, so much more palatable. I want to be a good steward of what God has provided, but i am not sure how.

Will some of you Married Vet's provide some wisdom for me here?

Last edited by Ghostrider86; 03-19-2010 at 11:53 AM.
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Old 03-19-2010, 10:21 AM
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So you don't "need" God anymore? Wow!! Sounds to me like the Lord has provided your needs. You say you have been faithful re:external relationships, partying, etc yet you also say "You don't need God." Is this some kind of zen riddle or something? I don't mean to be blatent but that statement really needs re-evaluation. I can suggest to you brother, that if you choose not to base your relationship on the Word of God you are leaving yourself wide open to failure. I can honestly say that as we have all been in various situations similiar to yours. There is such a thing as riding the fence ie:"Praise God!-when things are going well and "Curse God when things are not going so well ie:"It is His fault things aren't going my way!" Your "faith" or belief in Jesus Christ is a either-or-situation. If you truly believe you will know in your knower. Since faith is a battle of principalities and Satan does not want you to believe in the Lord of lords and King of kings it is a given fact that the enemy will cause disruption in your life. But since you say you are a man of faith you alerady know this right? The Word of God commands us to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and Spirit-not only when things are good but when things are a battle as well. Our relationship with the Lord is supposed to be that our Heavenly Father is as close (if not closer) that our closest friend; one to confide in with our deepest, innermost concerns. Have you prayed about this challenge, or have you asked your pastor, or spiritual mentor about what you are going through or are you just making a post? Don't give up on God! He's there and will always be there. Remember, He stands at the door(of your heart) and knocks. waiting for you to let Him in. The choice is entirely yours.
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Old 03-19-2010, 10:22 AM
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First off I would like to say congratulations on your upcoming union.

My advice to you would be to always keep God above all things in your life. Personally, I have been blessed with an amazing God fearing woman. When I didn't keep God first in my life and I went away from Him for several years, things in my marriage started to deteriorate. Not at the fault of my wife for she was doing what she need to do as a Godly woman. It was me who lost sight of what was important in my life. I had to go through certain stiuations that made me realize that I need God in my life and in my marriage.

I feel you shouldn't stray away from God especially since He has blessed you with a desirable woman with great characteristics. You said that your fiance has so many traits of God but I think you need to remember that she is only human and she may not have the wisdom to help you along life's troubles the way God can see you through any situation as long as you stay focused on Him. Also remember according to Epeshians 5:23, "You are the head of your wife (and house) as Christ is the head of the church." What this scripture tells me is that you need to lead by example, your house and family in a direction that coincides with God's word.

Don't make the mistake I did and be out of God's grace and presence. You can only be blessed further if you always keep God first.

God Bless you and your soon to be Mrs.
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Old 03-19-2010, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Ghostrider86 View Post
Ok, so i have a problem.

I don't NEED God anymore.

No i haven't given up on God, yes i am still a Faithful Follower, but I am realizing there is a problem in my relationship with Him.

Let me give you some back ground:
See for the last 5 years that i have been following God Faithfully, i have been single, and Lonely. When i got home from work I had plenty of time for God. In the morning , plenty of time for God. On the weekends plenty of time for God.

More than that I was a lonely man, I NEEDED some fulfillment outside of my self. Since i had made the commitment for purity before marriage a couple of years back when i came to faith, I wasn't fulfilling my desires with sex and frivolous relationships anymore. I NEEDED God.

Lets fast forward to today. I have been blessed with a Fiance' that blesses me daily. She is a light in my life, she takes care of my every need and nothing makes her happier(and me for that matter). Wow what a blessing from God. My faithfulness in Him has paid off...... but this blessing, not treated with respect, could also be my biggest downfall.

Now back to my problem:
This wonderful woman gives me everything i need in this world for confidence, satisfaction, love, compassion, and companionship... everything i used to rely on God to provide. With all that, what do i need God for........ hmmm seems like a deadly trap.

So now what. How do i balance this out? Having this other person in my life who resembles so many traits of God. She is so much more real, so much more palatable. I want to be a good steward of what God has provided, but i am not sure how.

Will some of you Married Vet's provide some wisdom for me here?

Well...first off, I think you are being very wise in your willingness to look at your life and your walk with God in this perspective. And to be aware of the conflicts that God's blessings can cause if we allow them to take our eyes off of Him and His love for us.

While I am NOT a marriage counselor in any way...lol, unfortunately, I do have marriage failure that has painfully injected God's wisdom in my life through my own sins and poor choices. Unfortunately, failure is one of the best teachers, IF we choose to learn from our mistakes.

After experiencing the pain of divorce, this is something I am VERY passionate about, so forgive me if this response is too long, or nags at you some!

So here's my thoughts....

We know that God's primary goal in our lives is to make us more like Jesus. Nothing else matters more to Him than that. Not our happiness, comfort, relationships, recreation...nothing. And when He gives us any blessings, He expects us to use them primarily to bring glory to Him. I believe that includes the blessing of marriage and children. If you have prayed about it and believe that God truly brought this woman into your life to be your wife, then it's up to both of you to make sure that your relationship/marriage brings Him glory. Unfortunately, more than half of the marriages these days end in divorce, and obviously, that doesn't bring God any glory at all! So avoiding that these days is a crucial step.

It's no secret that we are most vulnerable to mistakes/sin when we are 'on top' of the world and things are going well. And even though, as you said, it makes us feel like we don't need God then, I would say that's when we actually need Him the most! Many times, with the feeling of success, comes pride and the letting down of our guard. And we know that the Bible says that pride cometh before a fall. And satan is very clever when it comes to striking at times when we are most vulnerable!

So, assuming your fiance is a fellow believer, and you both agree on all things Biblical, then it's time to start building your marriage relationship to 'stormproof' it. (And since I don't want to make ANY assumptions...if she isn't a believer, or you two DON'T agree on ALL things Biblical, then you need to postpone any thoughts of marriage until those things are worked out, and you are equally yoked). I believe this is where so many of us Christian couples go wrong in the joy of marriage!! We pray for a mate. We actually try and and wait for God to move in our lives and the lives of our future mate to bring us together. And then, we meet and fall in love and completely forget WHO brought us together in the first place! In the overwhelming feelings of love, we toss aside God and being committed to keeping our eyes on Him. In the time of enjoying God's spousal blessing on us, we forget that we DO still need God's guidance and protection that His word and prayer provides. What a shame....

The foundation of your marriage is now being built. After being through a divorce myself (2), I REALLY like that you both are going to pre-marital counseling! And I encourage you truly discuss any issues that you may find during that, not just put your love-goggles on, go through the motions of addressing things, and ignore any issues that may come up.

I heard Dr Charles Stanley once say...."You are either in a storm, coming out of a storm, or going into a storm". So while you are in the business of soaking up the love that God has sent you through your fiance, it's imperitive to get ready for the 'storm' that is coming. Even though you feel like you don't need God right now, THIS is the time to be re-enforcing your faith foundation. It's the prime time to get into God's word even more, studying and meditating on all things God. The time has never been better for you to study God's word and get ready for service to Him in your new marriage. Since you two will be one soon, then it's important for you both to build this new foundation together. To get ready for the next storm, together. To get your lives ready for service to God, together. Because I can assure you my friend, marriage is FAR from just coasting through life, sitting back on the beach eating strawberries and getting a tan, and great, passionate, sex! While all those things can be enjoyed at times, in my opinion, there is NOTHING harder than marriage! It is hard work to have a loving, successful, Godly marriage. Very hard work!


Your marital success, and subsequent bringing of Glory to God will rest on the foundation that you both build now. Even the most in-love couples have marital struggles; it's only natural when you put two people together to live as one. So the stronger foundation you build now, will help as you start to face those first irritations of your mate. And it WILL happen!...lol Trust me!

It's these times of blessing when we show God how much He means to us. We all will turn to Him in times of struggle or pain, but those who will stay focused on Him when times are great and when we have all our needs met, are the ones that God can bless even more! As the Bible says (paraphrasing), "if we can be trusted with little, we can be trusted with much", and I believe that means all areas of life. If we tend to lose focus on Him when He blesses us and times are good, it would only make sense that the blessings will be fewer and farther between, since God wants us focused on Him, all the time. What's God to do when blessings draw us away from Him?

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!!! It is a very exciting time, and is truly an opportunity to honor God with our lives. Just remember...like a triangle, with God at the top and you two at the bottom two corners...if you both work at getting closer to God, the closer you will become to each other as you get closer to God. What an amazing gift!!

Sorry for the novel!! Like I said, this is something I am extremely passionate about. I don't EVER want anyone to go through the pain of a divorce. The consequences on this earth are never ending. So I would rather go everboard a little, rather than leaving something out that God might use to help you.

And perhaps most harshly....IF you aren't able to have this relationship/marriage and keep your focus on God, then I would encourage you to either postpone or cancel it until you can. God wouldn't want anything or anyone to come between you and Him.....ever. He sent us his own Son to prove that we mean more to Him than ANYTHING. So be wise concerning this, too.

But don't take my word on all this...I'm a sinner, too! Ask God to help you with your wandering heart, and to help you stay focused on Him. Ask Him to guide you through these blessings and to help you to bring glory to Him with them all. Ask Him to show you in His word what you need to learn.

He knows you best....bow your knee and ask Him.


Hope that helps!

God Bless!
Brad
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:03 PM
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Well put WyldThing.
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:08 PM
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In reference to Bowl806 and Tree-
Before anyone else posts, I haven't given up on God, and he hasn't given up on me! I have a gift for the dramatic, apparently too dramatic......

To set things straight, If you were to ask my friends which one of their friends is one of Gods most faithful Followers, they would most likely point in my direction.....

Thank you for your reply's, they were read with great care but i don't think i worded it quite right or it wasn't read thoroughly. I was hoping for more Practical input as to how to balance a new life/wife with God.

Its going to be way different from having 3 hours a day to praise and worship God. When i wake up, someones there, when i go to bed, someone is there.
i am going to have to draw strict boundaries just to get a little time to study the bible and pray.
My future wife is a stay at home mom, so its much easier for her to make time for this sort of thing.
Where i get up at 4:30, work out, head to work and get home at about 5:30 to a house with a wife and daughter.

Additionally, being new to faith (relative to my years of 36) I am finding my self in a sophomore slump. i am far enough away from my old life where i don't remember(feel) how broken i was, but not mature enough to realize what this relationship need to look like.

I am turning these questions to my 3 mentors and close friends, but i thought i would see what wisdom you guys had for this. I am not ashamed to take good advice from people who have learned the hard way!

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Old 03-19-2010, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Tree View Post
Well put WyldThing.

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts as well!!!

Isn't it awesome to have a section like this where we can share and uplift each other??!?! Many times I read you all's responses to things and it brings tears to my eyes. In this world where we are constantly bombarded with unbelievers and their wasy of life, it's a BIG breath of fresh, Godly, air to see others in the fight, too!

God Bless You ALL!!!

Brad
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Ghostrider86 View Post
Thank you for your reply's, they were read with great care but i don't think i worded it quite right or it wasn't read thoroughly. I was hoping for more Practical input as to how to balance a new life/wife with God.

i am going to have to draw strict boundaries just to get a little time to study the bible and pray.
Sorry if I misundertstood your post, and overstepped my bounds because of that. That wasn't my intent...

I would say that you are headed in the right direction if you are planning on spending alone time with God every day. But that said, and like I stated previously....I believe that daily Bible study and prayer with your mate is just as important as your own alone time, too. And maybe you are already doing that, and if so, sorry to bring it up again.

God Bless you and your fiance!

Brad
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by WYLDTHING View Post
Well...first off, I think you are being very wise in your willingness to look at your life and your walk with God in this perspective.
He knows you best....bow your knee and ask Him.

Hope that helps!

God Bless!
Brad
Originally Posted by Tree View Post
Well put WyldThing.
I was typing my previous post before i saw your two posts.

Brad, thank you for the wise words! It was very well put!

Thats exactly what I am looking for. I need a kick in the pants every once in a while! I think i am starting to wear down some under the weight of wedding planning, house remodeling, work, and the 4 different types of pre marital counselings we are doing..... My life is incredibly busy and its so difficult to find God in those times. 43 days till the big day.

I can tell you are passionate about the subject! You need to take that passion on the road man! There are a bunch of people out there that need to hear that good word!

I too am passionate about marriage. My FW is passionate about God and Marriage as well. We both come from broken marriages, both for different reasons. But we agreed up front that we would do ANYTHING we had to do to succeed.
You would get a kick out of the amount of personality test/book reading/counseling/classes/ we have taken to prepare for marriage.

I like your point about Glorifying God in my marriage..... I think i lost focus on that in this craziness. To me that means loving my wife unconditionally, and raising my kids with passion and love! I think that would please God and be a good steward of the blessings he has provided.

I so want to do what Honors God in marriage, but i have not quite turned the corner on what that looks like and that bothers me. LOL,<<< I need to be praying - God, give me the Wisdom and strength to be the spiritual leader in my family because i don't know that i can do it without you! .........
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by WYLDTHING View Post
Sorry if I misundertstood your post, and overstepped my bounds because of that. That wasn't my intent...

I would say that you are headed in the right direction if you are planning on spending alone time with God every day. But that said, and like I stated previously....I believe that daily Bible study and prayer with your mate is just as important as your own alone time, too. And maybe you are already doing that, and if so, sorry to bring it up again.

God Bless you and your fiance!

Brad
That post wasnt' to you, we posted at the same time...... corrected it.
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:58 PM
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I also apologize for the misunderstanding.

It seems like there isn't enough time in a day to juggle a family, work, praying and studying God's word and what ever else life throws our way. We all need to make the time to be in God's presence. Whether its be getting up earlier or finding some free time at work to read and pray. Reading and studying the bible with your soon to be wife is a way that the both of you can get closer to God as one.

I let my wife know when I need some time alone to be with my Lord and Savior. She happily gives me the time I need to be in God's presence. Before I do this though, I do what I can to help her around the house and with our kids so that she is not left with the responsibility of keeping the house and helping the kids with homework or getting them ready for bed. I feel that I can at peace in my alone time with God when I know that the household and kids are taken care of before I isolate myself.
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Old 03-19-2010, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Tree View Post
I also apologize for the misunderstanding.

It seems like there isn't enough time in a day to juggle a family, work, praying and studying God's word and what ever else life throws our way. We all need to make the time to be in God's presence. Whether its be getting up earlier or finding some free time at work to read and pray. Reading and studying the bible with your soon to be wife is a way that the both of you can get closer to God as one.

I let my wife know when I need some time alone to be with my Lord and Savior. She happily gives me the time I need to be in God's presence. Before I do this though, I do what I can to help her around the house and with our kids so that she is not left with the responsibility of keeping the house and helping the kids with homework or getting them ready for bed. I feel that I can at peace in my alone time with God when I know that the household and kids are taken care of before I isolate myself.
Thats great advice Tree. My FW is excited when i want time with God, she is good about giving it, i am bad about asking for it!

I like the idea of a joint bible study, we have done that before and really enjoyed it. She is a wise woman of the Lord. We need to add this to our list of Goals.
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Old 03-19-2010, 02:10 PM
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Let's make it unanimous- if I misread your post I also seek your forgiveness. Maybe this might share a bit about where I came from. We are both active in the ministry and in our "spare" time we're involved in a small group studying things in the Word: Not saying we're better than anybody else, just Saved. We enjoy the good things in life the Lord has provided for us--always. It was rough at first but we've learned to pray, ask Bible questions to each other,and fellowship together. Anyway, the couple Bible study is a great idea. A word of encouragement: congratulations on having a wonderful fiance and I truly wish you all the best the Lord has to offer. You'll find the time to study, pray, and grow as God would have you grow--I believe it. In Christ, Eric

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Old 03-21-2010, 04:08 PM
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I didn't have the opportunity to mis-read your first post before there where answers!

As you and your wife to be join as one you both will work with God to make sure time is there for each of you seperately and for both together!

Allow God to show you how this will come together, over time.

===

My wife introduced me to Jesus, after I took her to church!
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:39 AM
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Thanks everyone very encouraging words.

After posting this, and talking with friends about it I had a good and WISE friend of mine turn the situation around on me.

"Jeff, if Jacqui came to you and said, I don't need God because you provide for my every "earthly" need, What would you say to her?"

I was taken back by the question and almost floored at my thoughts! Wow, i would tell her that there is no way i could provide the kinds of things a Sovereign God could provide. I am going to fail her so miserably at times that she will need a much stronger arm to lean on!

Then as I moved through those thoughts peace came to mind. I realized that I DO NEED GOD still, just in different ways than i did before.

Now my thoughts are different. I am definitely feeling like I am transitioning from being a Follower of Christ, to being a Leader in Christ!

As one would expect, thats a scary prospect! Me a leader of a family.........*drops to knees* Oh Lord i am gonna need your help on this one!
Looking back at my first post, as serious as it was, feels somewhat silly now.

I guess thats the beauty of reflection and discovery. One comes after the other. Looking back it can seem so simple, but looking forward so complex.

I leave you with this thought today.

The "World" would say that Jesus Christ is only a story, that its not possible for a man to die on a cross, then 3 days later rise from his grave alive again. Much less alive in our hearts!
But here Is where i think the beauty lies in this. In our world of science and technology we figure out amazing things daily! Our world tries to debunk theories and recreate things of the past constantly to find the truth about where we are from, how did we get here, are there beings on other planets like us, did we develop from micro-organisms... ETC.....
God knows the future, and knew this would all happen in time, so he performed miracles so miraculous that to this day we are stumped as to how one man could do so much in so little time.
How did he Die and in three days Rise from the grave.......? I am willing to bet science won't figure that one out...... Thank you Lord for unexplainable signs from a God who is bigger than anything we could dream of!

Have a good day brothers!
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