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Old 04-01-2009, 08:03 PM
  #16  
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I'll throw in my favorite joke.

A man woke up in his bed one morning horribly hung over. He felt like hell, but he found some asprin and a glass of water by his bed. His wife left him a note saying "Here's something for your head. I'm at work, but you should take the day off."

The fellow staggered through the hall to the kitchen where he found his son getting ready for school. On the table was some breakfast already laid out for him- pancakes, eggs, bacon, and a cup of black coffee. "What's this?" the father asked. "Mom left you some breakfast to help the hangover wear off." said the man's son.

The dad was perplexed. "What happened last night?"
"You came home drunk last night from Uncle Charlie's bachelor party." Said the kid. "Mom was pissed."

"Yikes" said the man, "then what happened?"
"You stumbled in and knocked down a picture frame. Then you threw up in the hall and woke up the baby". Said his son, casually pouring some cereal into a bowl.

"Wait a second!" said the dad. "That doesn't make sense. If things were so aweful last night, why the asprin? Why the breakfast and the note?!" He cried.

"Well," said his son as he began eating, "After you threw up mom tried to change you into your pajamas. You put up a fight because you were so wasted. When she started taking off your pants you yelled 'Get off me, lady- I'm married!'"
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Old 04-01-2009, 09:08 PM
  #17  
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Whats Moby Dicks dads name?????
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Old 04-01-2009, 09:12 PM
  #18  
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I da-no What?
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Old 04-01-2009, 09:35 PM
  #19  
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Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn he was in, she poured him out onto the patio table. Then, tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.

“Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me?

I bought it with the insurance money!”

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,”Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!”

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, “Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!”

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,

“Herman, remember that blow-job l promised you?

“Here it comes.....”
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Old 04-01-2009, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by I B RACIN
I da-no What?
Papa Boner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:13 PM
  #21  
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Default blonde joke

What did the blonde say when she woke up under the Cow udder?









You Guys are still here?

Last edited by Losi Chaser; 04-02-2009 at 04:01 PM.
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:19 PM
  #22  
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Default The Wrong Answer

WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:

Definitely not!

WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:

Of course I do.

WIFE:

Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE:

You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:

(Makes audible groan).

WIFE:

Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.


WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?


USBAND:

Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.


WIFE:
- silence - -




HUSBAND:
Sh*t......
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:22 PM
  #23  
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Default It works every time!!!

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, and take my shoes off before I go into the house. I sneak up the stairs, and get undressed in the bathroom. Then I stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I tiptoe into the bedroom and ease into bed. My wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His friend looks at him and says, " Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and shout, WHO'S HORNY?????!!! And she acts like she's sound asleep!!

It works every time!!!
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:33 PM
  #24  
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A man is dying of cancer and his son asks, " Dad why do keep telling people you have aids? And the dad replies," So no one f@#&* your mom.
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Old 04-02-2009, 07:48 AM
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How can you tell a girl is having a orgasm???
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Old 04-02-2009, 07:53 AM
  #26  
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Originally Posted by Maybell
How can you tell a girl is having a orgasm???
she's not asking for credit cards?
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:14 AM
  #27  
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Originally Posted by Rewp
she's not asking for credit cards?
Thats a funny guess but not the answer...

The answer is: WHO CARES!!!!
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Old 04-02-2009, 12:13 PM
  #28  
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Default The Doctor is a Vet!

This doctor is upset with himself because he slept with one of his patients, the devil on his shoulder says, " It's ok, a lot of doctors do that." and the angel on his shoulder says, " Are you kidding? you are a VET!!"
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Old 04-02-2009, 12:25 PM
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Why do mexicans only cross the border in groups of twos or fours but never three?
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Old 04-02-2009, 01:01 PM
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Guts or Balls.

...............
We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but
do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definitions are exemplified below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the

guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the
guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the balls to say: You're next, Chubby.'


I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome.
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