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Old 05-02-2009, 10:47 AM
  #151  
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Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups,
is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.000188

Statistics courtesy of FBI

```````````````````````````````````````````````

Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT
ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
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Old 05-02-2009, 11:36 AM
  #152  
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A blond lady was reading the news paper about an airplane crash
that had killed two Brazilian men. She burst into tears and asked
her friend sitting next to her how many is two Brazilian.
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Old 05-02-2009, 11:53 AM
  #153  
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Best iPhone AP EVER!!!

http://www.wimp.com/sexyfun/
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:11 PM
  #154  
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Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her
co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.

2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..

3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when
they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's ooooh so good. The
taste is unbelievable!

And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes those guys wrestle
full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the
horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It
is just incredible! They then asked,

Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?"

Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in
the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"
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Old 05-08-2009, 11:16 PM
  #155  
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Originally Posted by I B RACIN View Post
Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her
co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.

2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..

3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when
they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's ooooh so good. The
taste is unbelievable!

And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes those guys wrestle
full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the
horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It
is just incredible! They then asked,

Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?"

Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in
the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"
Now that's pretty funny!looks like I need to start dippin
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Old 05-09-2009, 11:43 PM
  #156  
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What would you do?
> > You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a
> > sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same
> > speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your
> > horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same
> > speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this
> > highly dangerous situation?
> >
> >
> > If you do not know, see answer below.
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> > Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
> >
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:34 PM
  #157  
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Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.

Here are some examples:




FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.




PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.




TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated




HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.




SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.




WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.




TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.




EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.




HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.




THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
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Old 05-12-2009, 09:20 AM
  #158  
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Thats some Funny chit.....
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:42 PM
  #159  
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsxnISxPBqU
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:48 PM
  #160  
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Originally Posted by PT Hill Top RC View Post
I pulled in to a drive way out of gas on a stolen motor bike and they was making drugs they thought I was a under cover cop and tied me up in a chair and beet me up. For a few hours and then let me go with some gas out of a weed eater in the yard. With nothing but my under ware in the rain
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:57 PM
  #161  
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4
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Old 05-14-2009, 10:54 AM
  #162  
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Originally Posted by PT Hill Top RC View Post
+1
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Old 05-14-2009, 11:34 PM
  #163  
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Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. Shewrites:


Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone fromHawaii, so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma
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Old 05-14-2009, 11:37 PM
  #164  
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I got a kick out of this one.... :-)
Attached Thumbnails Post something Funny-ad.jpg  
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Old 05-14-2009, 11:49 PM
  #165  
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Default Caution... They Walk Among Us!

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.

It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

***They walk among us!!***

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

***They Walk Among Us!!***

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!***

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!***

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! ***

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!***

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!



Have a good one!
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