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Old 11-05-2007, 01:07 PM   #1
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Default Best Tips From Best Stock Racer- Clark Smith

Hello good buddy,

This past Saturday I make travel to Huntington, WV to search for the Holy Grails of the stock racing in Americas. I had heard of this half of a man, half of legends, on this forum and through other peoples I raced with. Their stories include most famous times, and most evil defeat suffer at the hands of a ruthless racer. I decide to track down this glorious man so I can query his knowledge and absorb talent so that I too can make many victory.

I pull into the track and begins setting up my equipment of pit. "He will be here soon" a man of part-time status declare. After awhiles I frightened that Clark Smith would leap out of the shadows and breaks my radio, as I had not seen him come in yet, and local racers had not yet made sacrifice. I hidden under my pit tables until a "hello" like that of parrot echo across the hall. This man, 7 feet tall and muscular, smoking Marlboro Light surely had to be the greatest Clark Smith.

His secrets are revealed soon, after I get released from work
Many thanks my friends- for you see that I must make the monies to continue my racing. For the patience shown many blessing from Clark Smith himself will surely bestowed in your next qualifier.

My story continues:
Clark Smith walked to the track, near where I was setup pit, and then put his equipment for pit on table next to mines. I notice he is a frugal man- and perhaps this is the first secret to successes- cleanliness and clutter free. He had not one duplicate object on his table, and everything on the table was clean. He wiped down all objects before use, like the skilled surgeon, and cleaned them. Seeking wisdom that he impart, I ask if he could perhaps clean my setup board to matching the sparkling quality of his. He said no. Very sad.

After the man-legend setup pit, he took out the Corally and set it on the table. This is the most important factor in being a pro of his status: I look at his car and felt the battery, it was warm. Clark Smith shows up to the track with warm battery one may ask? Was my initial theory too. However, new postulate: Clark Smith's battery never get cold, they are always warm, like fresh peaked, so that he may display his skill of driving at any point at anytime. What mythical voodoo hex was imparted to this battery to make it warm all the time- I do not have knowledge of it. All I observe was it was the numbers 3800 inscribed in the side, six time each, one in each battery, and there was duct tape on positive side. The mythical properties of 3800 are foreign to my culture, perhaps is special number like 12, 23, or perfect proportion of 1.6180.

Finally, Clark Smith revealed the car, and spoke highly of the mortal mans he bought it off of- one by the name of Allen. Surely, to have Clark Smith buy the car off you and not change the setup of it at all is most high compliment. I observed the amount of droop in Clark Smith's car- it was 5mm in the rear at least. I asked what for- surely this amount of droop is not benefit? He then spoke- droop is for the steering.

So for recap:
1) Keep the setup board cleans- and be like great minimalist artist when buying equipment. If there is a blemish upon pit equipment, you lose valuable tenth of seconds.
2) 3800= 1.6180. Duct tape on positive side help for higher voltage and greater connectivity. Perhaps magic will impart upon your battery and make it always warm- for excellent lap time all the time.
3) More droop is always require for car running at most potential. At least 5mm, so 10mm may be most best.

After three battery packs, Clark Smith packed up his stuff- he was done playing with mortal scrubs. I had most benefit from observation and myself felt a little magic imparted to my car. Clark walked back in door and ask if anyone had seen his Marlboro Lights, and awestruck we reply no. He then leave and we continue to practice in hopes of maybe one day, being as great, and being best stock racer ever like this legend, Clark Smith.

-Zavac Lancack-
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R.I.P. Tommy Kraimer, 28 time UK Champion, 4 time JMRCA champion, and engineering mastermind behind the TKX-10. The world will never be the same.

Last edited by Zaner24; 11-05-2007 at 07:59 PM. Reason: Addition of story!
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Old 11-05-2007, 01:34 PM   #2
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waits in anticipation...
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Old 11-05-2007, 04:52 PM   #3
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... a man of part-time status declare.
You pen speweth with slovenian smarm.
And I can't get enough.
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Old 11-05-2007, 06:37 PM   #4
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OHHH !!
Do tell all of us mortals of his Greatness!!

Of his Blazing Speed and Blinding Reflexes !!

Of HIS all knowing Wisdom !!

OHH
Do TELL !!!
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Old 11-05-2007, 07:18 PM   #5
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Ohh Ya I raced with that dude, he's the one with the blue ox right?
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Old 11-05-2007, 07:19 PM   #6
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OHHH !!
Do tell all of us mortals of his Greatness!!

Of his Blazing Speed and Blinding Reflexes !!

Of HIS all knowing Wisdom !!

OHH
Do TELL !!!

Your still alive??

Go Clark go.
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Old 11-05-2007, 07:44 PM   #7
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Ohh Ya I raced with that dude, he's the one with the blue ox right?
That's funny...I thought he had a cape when I raced with him back in the day (which was a Wednesday - That is a proven fact, its always a Wednesday). He had some reporter girl following him around too. Never liked getting close to any car that was painted green for some strange reason, had something with losing his peak I think. He was always flyin tho.
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Old 11-05-2007, 07:52 PM   #8
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Is this him???

ALL HIEL THE TECHNO VIKING...!
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Old 11-05-2007, 08:01 PM   #9
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FRIENDS FRIENDS- I edit the story above to reflect the lesson Clark Smith taught to my life! See first post.
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Old 11-05-2007, 08:12 PM   #10
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Do not peel the Techno viking errr Clark Smith...
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Old 11-05-2007, 08:47 PM   #11
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Though the technoviking is impressive to say the least, you can see from the following clip that Clark Smith is far superior...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKlxjbhB9HE
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Old 11-05-2007, 09:25 PM   #12
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Though the technoviking is impressive to say the least, you can see from the following clip that Clark Smith is far superior...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKlxjbhB9HE
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***Proudly supporting The Fist: "Hope everyone improve their lap time. Don't be stubborn."***

R.I.P. Tommy Kraimer, 28 time UK Champion, 4 time JMRCA champion, and engineering mastermind behind the TKX-10. The world will never be the same.

Last edited by Zaner24; 11-05-2007 at 09:40 PM.
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