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ArmySIGCorps 03-11-2009 11:57 AM

How the fight started....
 
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started...

=============================


My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started...

==========================

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment"


The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started...

==============================


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started...

===============================

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary? '

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started...

============================

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started...

===========================

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started...

===============================

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started...

spike240sx 03-12-2009 05:33 PM

OMFG Cant stop laughing!:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

nitrodude 03-12-2009 06:15 PM

The last one is the best one ROTFLMFAO

GundamWZero 03-13-2009 03:56 PM

ROFLMAO!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol:

Printed. :D

CaptCrunch 03-13-2009 05:09 PM

Army, my wife says you are an EVIL person:lol:

ArmySIGCorps 03-13-2009 06:02 PM


Originally Posted by CaptCrunch (Post 5549183)
Army, my wife says you are an EVIL person:lol:

Really.....:sneaky:

SpraydbySprague 03-13-2009 06:08 PM

So how many of these jokes are based on real life experiences? :sneaky::D:lol::lol:

ArmySIGCorps 03-13-2009 06:11 PM


Originally Posted by SpraydbySprague (Post 5549339)
So how many of these jokes are based on real life experiences? :sneaky::D:lol::lol:

HEY:sweat:

Well I can say I have used the dust one and the kitchen one. All in good humor.

SpraydbySprague 03-13-2009 06:13 PM

I was laughing so hard I got hiccups! :lol::lol:

ArmySIGCorps 03-13-2009 06:16 PM


Originally Posted by SpraydbySprague (Post 5549358)
I was laughing so hard I got hiccups! :lol::lol:

LOL
:lol::lol::lol:

F. Mendoza 03-13-2009 07:01 PM

LMAO! :lol::lol::lol:

gweed 03-13-2009 11:43 PM

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment"


The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started...



f-ing priceless

Funking-Awesome 03-14-2009 03:37 AM

They are great mate. got any more they are hilarious.:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol:

m3zeal 03-14-2009 08:57 AM

LOL! :lol:

Sabin 03-14-2009 04:58 PM

The mad cow one is great! :D

Funking-Awesome 03-15-2009 01:10 AM


Originally Posted by Sabin (Post 5551941)
The mad cow one is great! :D

I agree it was my favorite:p.

DJClark 03-15-2009 08:46 AM

priceless :lol:

aaron2u 03-15-2009 08:05 PM

It was a long night of tossing and turning for the young man... Only having a couple hours sleep, the warried man readied himself for work, he shaved, made his coffee and gathered his things to head off to work.

He climbed into his truck, backed out of the drive, when he was suddenly rear-ended by a van... The man, still half out of it put his head on the steering wheel in complete disbelief, until he heard a tap on the window. He rolled the window down, not seeing anyone outside his truck, when he heard a faint voice, to which someone said... "I'm not Happy!" Startled, the man looked downward to see a very tiny person and he replied... Then which dwarf are you?.....

And thats...

Trips 03-19-2009 10:23 AM

This one is true, and got me a black eye... my wife was trying on some clothes, and she asked me the "do these pants make my butt look big?" question... of course, I said "no I don't think so"... but then she took them off and before I could stop myself, "see, it wasn't the pants" comes out of my mouth...

Trips 03-19-2009 10:27 AM

Someone with a bigger pair will have to try this one... next time your wife or gf asks "does this dress make my butt look too big?" you answer with "no, your butt makes that dress look too small"

Be sure to let us know what happens...

JCarr 03-19-2009 11:50 AM


Originally Posted by Trips (Post 5571109)
This one is true, and got me a black eye... my wife was trying on some clothes, and she asked me the "do these pants make my butt look big?" question... of course, I said "no I don't think so"... but then she took them off and before I could stop myself, "see, it wasn't the pants" comes out of my mouth...

Priceless:lol::nod:


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