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How would you handle this situation?

How would you handle this situation?

Old 02-28-2008, 06:08 PM
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Hey guys -

How would you handle this situation? I have (had?) a friend (girl) that I met almost four years ago. We were very good friends and we even dated a little bit, but I'd definitely categorize us as friends. In any case, Over the past year and a half, I noticed some level of distancing.

I'll cut the long story short and say that I have tried to get together with her since some time. Sometimes she accepts and sometimes she doesn't but i get a sense of not wanting to do it. In any case, this last time I invited her to see my new condo. She suggested a date and I replied with specifics like 'Where do you want to go to etc.? That was over a week ago.

To date, nothing has been hard back. The targeted date was tomorrow night. I considered following up, but in some ways i have to believe that if she really wanted to hang out with me, I would have heard back. I.e. the ball is in her court.

So, do I just write her off? I have to think there comes a point in any friendship, where no matter what the past held, you have to realize that it's gone and you have to let it go. Is this it?

Thanks for any opinions. Why am i bothering to post here? Well, i really considered her a very good friend and I am really disappointed to see a total lack of respect in not even responding. I am very disappointed, but I also realize that there is such a thing as reality.
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Old 02-28-2008, 07:28 PM
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Similar situation happened to me. I wrote her off, deleted myself from her myspace account since I couldn't stand still being in her "top-8" when we didnt even talk....

..two years later, she adds me on facebook with a message apologizing for being a bad friend and pretty much ignoring me ( among other things ).
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Old 02-28-2008, 08:45 PM
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Originally Posted by KDagh1 View Post
She suggested a date and I replied with specifics like 'Where do you want to go to etc.? That was over a week ago.
I may be way off, but here goes:

You didn't take the initiative. She puts herself out there by asking you out on a "date" and you couldn't even plan a great night out that would end with her panties on your bedroom floor. The last thing a chick wants to hear is "where do you want to go, etc...?".

If there's one thing I've learned about women, it's that they like the "modern sensitive sensitive guy" to an extent, but they also expect you to "take it" at some point, if you know what I mean. It all goes back to the animalistic nature of human sexuality where women are submissive and men are dominant. If she doesn't feel that dominant, self-confident vibe, she's probably subconsciously thinking, "why bother?". Blame it on 1960's feminists who tried to redefine gender roles, which only left us guys completely confused about how to treat women.

If you really like the girl, sack up, take the initiative, and see what happens. Life is comprised of monotonous periods interrupted by bold decisions.

(On the other hand, you could be "that guy" who she just strings along and uses to build up her self-confidence when she's in between relationships. If you are "that guy": Cut your losses, treat her like crap, and you might be surprised how she responds to that kind of treatment.)
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Old 02-28-2008, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Leodis View Post
(On the other hand, you could be "that guy" who she just strings along and uses to build up her self-confidence when she's in between relationships. If you are "that guy": Cut your losses, treat her like crap, and you might be surprised how she responds to that kind of treatment.)
I think that is what is happening,At least to me that it how it seems.
I agree,See what all is going on.
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Old 02-29-2008, 08:08 AM
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Nothing ventured, nothing gained so the saying goes.

If you can risk loosing her friendship if it all goes wrong you have nothing to loose I guess
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Old 03-01-2008, 10:25 PM
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Wow...the performance on this site is just god-awful. I would post more often, but it takes a good 10 - 15 min. just for the screen to open. In any case, I think you guys mis-interpreted a little bit...and maybe you didn't. She was a friend / girlfriend, but in any case she was _something_. Now, there is nothing. In all honesty, I can't put it on the line, when there is nothing to put it on the line for.

She never responded to my e-mail, and I don't believe it was due to 'weakness' of the invitation. I think she just didn't want to do anything at all with me! In any friendship (friend, platonic, work, whatever), there always comes a point where you're trying to make it work and make excuses for why the other person isn't contributing. Then, there comes a single 'tipping point', where you really and truly see it for what it is, and just realize it ain't worth any more effort.

That point came to me on Friday at about 6 when I saw how rude she was. The absolute fact of the matter is that when people don't respond, you're playing a losers game to try to salvage it. Walk away. Put your energy towards somebody who appreciates it.

Thanks for the help and I think you do have a lot of valid points. But, I deleted her off of AIM and if she e-mails me, i'm deleting it. I'm sick of bullshit and bullshitters.
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Old 03-02-2008, 06:33 AM
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Sounds as if you knew the answer all along. You were just hoping that someone else had an answer for you to cling on to. Anyway, best of luck to find someone who can appreciate someboby before it's too late.
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Old 03-03-2008, 04:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Stratus Racer View Post
Sounds as if you knew the answer all along. You were just hoping that someone else had an answer for you to cling on to. Anyway, best of luck to find someone who can appreciate someboby before it's too late.
+1, no point flogging a dead horse so they say... Move on.

Whatever was there sounds like it fizzled out a while ago and now she just not interested, why? who knows, some women just dont want commitment or just dont realise what theyve got until its gone.

Last edited by tc3team; 03-03-2008 at 06:30 AM.
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Old 03-03-2008, 05:46 AM
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First thing you need to do is to never tell a woman to F-off. If you got nothing going on, go out and have some fun if she wants. if you could care less, ignore her a bit and just give her a little info at a time when she asks why you are ignoring her. If she likes you she'll get really jealous and jump on you if she has a chance.

Women are wierd like that and get really competitive when they think someone they like may be going off with someone else, even if they've ignored and played hard to get themselves.
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Old 03-03-2008, 07:09 PM
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Well. again, thanks for the help from across the globe. It seems like people do have common situations. It was disappointing, but in a way, it's freeing. I no longer worry about it since I have relinquished any attachment to it.

Not in a new-agey sort of way, but really, i have relinquished attachment.

Disappointed? Absolutely.

Unclear or uncertain? Absolutely not.

Well, endings make room for beginnings. I firmly believe that it is important to see things as they are not as they once were or as you wish they were. I live in a very no-BS type reality.

cheers
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Old 03-04-2008, 02:37 AM
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Treat others how you want to be treated is my basic way of going about life... and it doesnt sound like she was treating you right

Manners dont cost you anything, so she was either just not the right one or trying to give the cold shoulder by being rude to you. If she is rude, ask yourself what other negative qualitys could she have... Thats probably the easiest way to move on.

Hey, I could have got it totally wrong, (men understanding women is always a fine art at the best of times! ) but thats how I see it
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Old 03-04-2008, 03:03 AM
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sorry dude but this is where you gotta cut your losses and move on.
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Old 03-04-2008, 03:14 AM
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I got to talk to her for a little bit.


She told me she thinks your kind of a freak and would like you to lay off the crack for quite some time.
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Old 03-04-2008, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by KDagh1 View Post
Hey guys -

How would you handle this situation? I have (had?) a friend (girl) that I met almost four years ago. We were very good friends and we even dated a little bit, but I'd definitely categorize us as friends. In any case, Over the past year and a half, I noticed some level of distancing.

I'll cut the long story short and say that I have tried to get together with her since some time. Sometimes she accepts and sometimes she doesn't but i get a sense of not wanting to do it. In any case, this last time I invited her to see my new condo. She suggested a date and I replied with specifics like 'Where do you want to go to etc.? That was over a week ago.

To date, nothing has been hard back. The targeted date was tomorrow night. I considered following up, but in some ways i have to believe that if she really wanted to hang out with me, I would have heard back. I.e. the ball is in her court.

So, do I just write her off? I have to think there comes a point in any friendship, where no matter what the past held, you have to realize that it's gone and you have to let it go. Is this it?

Thanks for any opinions. Why am i bothering to post here? Well, i really considered her a very good friend and I am really disappointed to see a total lack of respect in not even responding. I am very disappointed, but I also realize that there is such a thing as reality.
Ban$ her best friend.
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Old 03-04-2008, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by gashuffer View Post
Ban$ her best friend.
That can backfire in a big way.

I did that to one of my ex-girlfriends. She was really mad at me () and didn't talk to her friend for a long time, but they up became friends again. Several years later, I ended up marrying that ex-girlfriend and her best friend was the maid of honor. They always like to talk about what happened because they know it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'll do whatever they want in order to change the subject.
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