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Old 07-31-2007, 07:47 AM   #1
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Default A few jokes to enjoy...

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... He told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to Say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.


St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who CAN he tell?"

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever
done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to
the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who
were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone,but
they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off! Or I'll
kick the s--t out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago".

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer.

"What The ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when He shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put Talcum Powder
in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's: 'Miracle Grow'."

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

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Old 08-02-2007, 03:39 PM   #2
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lol good jokes. keep em comin
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Old 08-02-2007, 09:14 PM   #3
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thats good.
Our government is a #$%$ joke, from the head jester on down
RIP Mike M
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