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Old 07-05-2007, 02:31 PM   #1
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Wanted to see what other people would do if they were in my shoes ....

Sorry for the long read

My wifes best friend and her family moved out here a few months ago. Long story short, they blew a lot of money away, lost their home and were looking for a new start somewhere. We suggested they move out here (N Texas area), they came from California. My wife volunteered to watch their kids from time to time when needed.
They borrowed some money from her mom, moved out here. Immediately she got a job. The job he thought he was gonna get didnt pan out for him. So now he's working at a WalMart. His wife has to encourage him to look for work, which he basically doesnt. I lined up a job for him but that didnt happen due to the fact I think the the guy , who is a competitor of mine, thought twice about hiring a "buddy" of mine. Later I found out that I wouldnt really recommend this guy to work for anyone as he has a bad work habit. Pretty much lazy, has no ambitions, etc. He called in sick on his first day of work at his present job cuz h e didnt want to go.

My problem/concern is, they cant make ends meet. I feel im a pretty nice guy, we help them out by watching their kids for them (which is no easy task, two of the three kids are kind a pain in the asses), give them food and gas money from time to time. I believe in karma...what comes around goes around etc...
The guy works part time and can not or will not look for other work unless his wife does it for him. This guy has 3 kids by the way. 3.

My wife was there when all of their kids were born. She really cares for them. Her friend called the other night and mentioned they had literally nothing in their cabinets to feed their kids. My wife started crying and felt sorry for the kids and they shouldnt have to live like that and how bad the parents are... I told my wife I dont mind buying food and necessities but im not gonna give them money as they eat out a lot ; which if you have little to no money you should NEVER eat out that much.

I told my wife last night if they come over again or next time we see them that Im gonna tell him to man up and get a better job or at least get another job part time to make ends meet. My wife doesnt want me to say that to him yet she tells me how her friend wants someone else other than her to tell him he needs to do something.

I also feel that lending them money all the time is not solving anythign but maybe encouraging their behavior and habits.

But on the other hand I know some people go through hard times and Im glad to help and hope that if I were to need someones help that our good deeds wont go unpunished.

Any suggestions on what to do or how anyone here would handle this?

I personally want to have a one on one talk with him.
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Old 07-05-2007, 04:58 PM   #2
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replied via email ...
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Old 07-05-2007, 07:25 PM   #3
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ugpm
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Old 07-05-2007, 07:45 PM   #4
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Thx guys.

Fish , i didnt get your email .


I agree with your pm HotRod.

Thx
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Old 07-05-2007, 07:45 PM   #5
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I think you are doing okay trying to support someone else. I guess since both are working they can't support theres kids. Sounds like he is flaking out.
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Old 07-06-2007, 06:26 AM   #6
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LOL, Im used to board emails not working, so I coppied it last night just in case , sent a PM to ya.

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Old 07-15-2007, 12:26 AM   #7
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Watching the kids could be the best thing out of the whole situation.. They get to see people with good work ethics and the decency to help others in need. Hopefully they are old enough to understand. If they eat out like you say I wouldn't give them money. Maybe gift certificate to the grocery store instead if you can get them.

If it was me I would probalby have a chat with the guy. It doesn't have to be confrontational if that is what your wife is worried about. I think it is a more positive thing than just letting him be a sponge forever.
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:31 AM   #8
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Fuckin free loaders...


Feed the kids. Don't feed the parents. Invite kids only over for dinner. Call CPS? Beat sense into him?
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Old 07-26-2007, 08:20 AM   #9
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Let him man up and face his responsibilities.
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Old 07-26-2007, 11:11 AM   #10
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id like to jump in.. since...

1. im bored at work...
2. ive always had to work for what ive wanted...

im "assuming" the wife doesnt work because she has to take care of the kids? like someone said, you dont have to be confrontational (sp?) about it, but tell that guy to grow a f#ckin pair. doesnt he have an ego? some pride? how the hell can you let your wife (for better or for worse, and right now its "worse") and three kids go hungry? thats just pathetic and sick.

looks like the wife is trying to dance around the subject when it might be better to give him a hard time and tell him to stop being a loser.

no man in their right mind will let their kids go hungry let alone his wife. tell him to watch Cinderella Man.

support your friend as much as you can without being taken advantage of and as long as it doesnt hurt YOUR lifestyle. (charity only goes so far, people need to decide to improve their lives, otherwise they'll just leech off of you.)

if things dont improve, call social services. they'll take away the kids..and then we'll see what he does.
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Old 07-26-2007, 04:55 PM   #11
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Actually the wife works. She is also going back to school at night. Shes not the problem.
They have recently taken some of the advice a couple from here have given me. One was to go to a church charity and they are now receiving help to get groceries and I believe an allowance for electricity as well.
I had a small talk with him recently and he took it well. He has been seeking other jobs and Ive been helping along as much as I can without doing it for him directly.
They are actually on their feet for now and caught up with bills. They also arent relying on us everytime they need their kids to be watched. So for now things are looking a bit better for them. Now if he can just get hired on to one of the jobs he's been looking for , they will be that much better off.

Thanks all for the replies.
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Old 07-26-2007, 05:25 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wcalaker View Post
Actually the wife works. She is also going back to school at night. Shes not the problem.
They have recently taken some of the advice a couple from here have given me. One was to go to a church charity and they are now receiving help to get groceries and I believe an allowance for electricity as well.
I had a small talk with him recently and he took it well. He has been seeking other jobs and Ive been helping along as much as I can without doing it for him directly.
They are actually on their feet for now and caught up with bills. They also arent relying on us everytime they need their kids to be watched. So for now things are looking a bit better for them. Now if he can just get hired on to one of the jobs he's been looking for , they will be that much better off.

Thanks all for the replies.
thats good to hear.
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