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dog and cat diaries

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Old 03-20-2007, 06:01 PM
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"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"

6:00am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. ********!


There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
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Old 03-21-2007, 10:38 PM
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I have a dog 2 cats and a bird.
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Old 03-22-2007, 10:01 AM
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diary of a hamster: (bearing in mind they are nocturnal)

Morning: Yawn tired need sleep
Afternoon: wake up hungry go back to sleep
evening: need run go in wheel. start oh have i gon anywhere, stop, no i havnt (repeat)
later: OMG MY CAGE IS OPEN ooh whats outside run run ARGH WTF GIANT HAND oh back in cage tired go sleep
midnight ish: owners sleeping i know wheel squeaky wheel annoying GIEVF WH33L!
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Old 03-24-2007, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by joe of loath
diary of a hamster: (bearing in mind they are nocturnal)

Morning: Yawn tired need sleep
Afternoon: wake up hungry go back to sleep
evening: need run go in wheel. start oh have i gon anywhere, stop, no i havnt (repeat)
later: OMG MY CAGE IS OPEN ooh whats outside run run ARGH WTF GIANT HAND oh back in cage tired go sleep
midnight ish: owners sleeping i know wheel squeaky wheel annoying GIEVF WH33L!
SWEET!
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Old 03-24-2007, 09:43 PM
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Nice.
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