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B44 LPR Speedo DUO 10.5
B4 Tekin Speedo DUO 13.5
SC10 LRP Speedo Trinty 10.5
JWG Racing Custom machined parts and tools
Justin Gilkison
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind.
The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers don't react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing.
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, 'when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell
and you say something with ass.
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,
'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles ac ross the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,
slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!' She then comes back
downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, ' And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
I don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!'
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I leally sick, I got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt,. I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you t oday. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
"I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon .......... You got nice house."
A leper wants to treat himself to a nice dinner, so he goes to the most expensive place in town. He goes up to the maitre d, explains his condition, and asks that he be seated in the back of the restaurant so that he would not offend anyone because of the way that he looks. The maitre d responds that he will get the best seat available, just like everyone else.
Against his wishes the leper agrees to take the table up front. The leper is halfway through his appetizer when a man a couple of tables away turns green, and proceeds to run to the bathroom and vomit really, really loud.
When the man returns from the bathroom the leper stops him to apologize. He even offers to leave. The man says that it is not the leper's fault, and encourages him to enjoy his dinner. Ten minutes later, the same man turns green, runs to the bathroom, and vomits very loudly.
The leper is getting pretty irritated now. This time when the man returns from the bathroom the leper stops him angrily, and reminds him that he offered to leave earlier. The man told the leper that it once again was not his fault, and offers to buy him dessert. The leper accepts the man's offer and orders his dessert.
Halfway through his dessert the leper looks up to see the same man run to the bathroom and vomit. When the man returns from vomiting, the leper jumps up from his chair and begins to yell at the man. He reminds him that he offered to leave twice, but the man kept encouraging him to stay. Once again the man says that it is not the leper's fault.
The leper asks him what the problem is.
"It's that the guy behind you. He keeps dipping his bread in your neck"
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
1 Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in "eggplant", nor ham in "hamburger"; neither apple nor pine in "pineapple". English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And last but not least, why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "Quick"?
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