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B44 LPR Speedo DUO 10.5
B4 Tekin Speedo DUO 13.5
SC10 LRP Speedo Trinty 10.5
JWG Racing Custom machined parts and tools
Justin Gilkison
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and
let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it."
The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?" said the wife.
"Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started..'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster..'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . . . . ..... .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
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The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
The French president is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, President Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on.. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs, amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr.. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no f_ _ _ _ _ _' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners .'
That is all.
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The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2009, the penis will now be taxed according to size:
The brackets are as follows:
10 - 12"
Luxury Tax
$ 300.00
8 - 10"
Pole Tax
$ 250.00
5 - 8"
Privilege Tax
$ 150.00
3 - 5"
Nuisance Tax
$ 30.00
Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.
Anyone under 3" is eligible for a tax refund.
** PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION **
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The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my
suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered
for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any
witnesses. Now I'll have to eliminate you too".
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The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
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