For Centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their
> >> foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was
> >> connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassy
> >> in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu
> >> woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On
> >> her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see
> >> whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a
> >> donut shop, a taxi cab or a motel in the United States. If
> >> nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer
> >> telephones and provide us with technical support and
> >> advice.
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The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked
stepmother won't let her. As
Cinderella sits crying in the
garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella
with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's
the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and
your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home
by 2 a.m.
The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella
doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking
love-struck and **very** satisfied.
"Where have you been?"
demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a
pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He
took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of
power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly...Peter
Peter,something or other...."
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The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whats the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?
JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE HEARD THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER, ALONG COMES
ONE LIKE THIS....
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note
for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the
note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5
gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note
asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?'
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my
bathtub up
with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?'
YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS....
The blonde said,
'No, just up to my t*ts. I can splash it on my eyes.
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2009 N/w Electric Championship Tour
Trcr Turtle Slayer, helping make racing safe for N/w beginners
Always trolling the Pacific N/w Forums 24/7
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves..
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull..
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
__________________
The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
Three Californian surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in California. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost several fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England ."
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in track and field events at the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of the House."
__________________
The original point and click interface: Smith & Wesson.
Three Californian surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in California. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost several fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England ."
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in track and field events at the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of the House."
We DO have the best health care in the world (actually we DON'T, technically), if you can afford insurance, don't have a preexisting condition, and if your company doesn't screw you over if you make a claim.
Three Californian surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in California. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost several fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England ."
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in track and field events at the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of the House."
This is not a Joke, but a true story.
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But, Is it farther to Seattle or by Bus??????
funny video
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