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Old 01-03-2009, 09:42 PM   #31
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give me my tires
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:25 PM   #32
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What happens when you get to close to a pink rattle snake?




(in a very lispy fem voice) " If you sssstep on me I'll bite you a ssssswear"
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Old 01-04-2009, 06:49 AM   #33
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A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps to the operator, "My friend is in trouble! I think he's dead! What can I do?!?!?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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Old 01-05-2009, 08:20 AM   #34
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LOL guys, keep them coming!
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Old 01-05-2009, 08:56 AM   #35
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Default Free Tires??

I really could use a free set of tires!

Lately I've been dropping more coin than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter!

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Old 01-05-2009, 09:00 AM   #36
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I really could use a free set of tires!
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Old 01-05-2009, 09:37 AM   #37
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I'll never forget, I was 15 and going camping for the weekend with my
sister & her husband who had a new 74 /454 Corvette, my brother in law & I decided to take the tents up on thursday to the campground and set them up a day early as he had to have a colonoscopy friday morning, we packed the tents and a sheepdog in the Vette & drove to the camp that was about 1hr drive, finished setting up about 6:00 just in time for him to take some medication the doc prescribed...about 15min into the ride back his stomach starts rumbling ...speedo starts climbing & he barely makes it to the first gas station..back on the road & 10min. later were doing 120 in a 60 then back to 0, so he could head for the nearest tree, I'm pretty sure he broke the 0-100-0 record a few times on the way home, I'll never forget the ride & was hooked on muscle cars from that day on but the dog would not get in that car again!
I got to give him credit, I don't know how he could drive at all after
having to take the same damn stuff myself about 20yrs later.
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Old 01-05-2009, 09:43 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerb View Post
I'll never forget, I was 15 and going camping for the weekend with my
sister & her husband who had a new 74 /454 Corvette, my brother in law & I decided to take the tents up on thursday to the campground and set them up a day early as he had to have a colonoscopy friday morning, we packed the tents and a sheepdog in the Vette & drove to the camp that was about 1hr drive, finished setting up about 6:00 just in time for him to take some medication the doc prescribed...about 15min into the ride back his stomach starts rumbling ...speedo starts climbing & he barely makes it to the first gas station..back on the road & 10min. later were doing 120 in a 60 then back to 0, so he could head for the nearest tree, I'm pretty sure he broke the 0-100-0 record a few times on the way home, I'll never forget the ride & was hooked on muscle cars from that day on but the dog would not get in that car again!
I got to give him credit, I don't know how he could drive at all after
having to take the same damn stuff myself about 20yrs later.
I would have kicked the doctor in the nads right after the procedure....he could at least warned him about the effects of the meds!
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Old 01-07-2009, 09:16 AM   #39
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Hahaha, about a week down...one more to go.
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Old 01-07-2009, 11:05 AM   #40
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hahah.. i am begining to belive that porckchop should not win the tires but the hpi baja 5b should win the tires for putting up wth porkchop. lol jk...
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Old 01-07-2009, 02:54 PM   #41
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Some people are like slinkies, they are good for nothing....


but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs!
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Old 01-07-2009, 04:21 PM   #42
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BREAKING NEWS FROM NASCAR......

Jeff Gordon fires his whole pit crew:

This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of Barack
Obama's new scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how
unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6
seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do
it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as
most races are won or lost in the pits.

However-Gordon got more than he bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able
to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had
re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the car to Dale Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag
of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.
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Old 01-12-2009, 08:40 PM   #43
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Four days left!
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Old 01-12-2009, 09:54 PM   #44
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Science Reveals Heaviest Element Ever Discovered



Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known

to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25

assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,

giving it an atomic mass of 312.



These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which

are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be

detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into

contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking

less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.



Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not

decay, but undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant

neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass

will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more

morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes, not to mention multiple

oxymorons.



This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to

believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical

concentration. That hypothetical quantity might normally be called "critical

mass" but, in this unique case it is known as "critical mess".



When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium

(Am), another just-discovered element that radiates just as much energy as

Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.



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Old 01-12-2009, 11:56 PM   #45
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UMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAID!!!!!!!!!!
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