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Old 12-20-2011, 11:10 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by Factory Seal;


[IMG
http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii132/FactorySeal/turkey.jpg[/IMG]
Donnie, That's the best picture of you i have ever seen
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Old 12-20-2011, 01:19 PM   #32
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Old 01-18-2012, 04:02 PM   #33
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Default How to fail an exam.

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM


Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle.

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page.

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* Liquid.

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* Marriage.

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* Exams.

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half.

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet.

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands.

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
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Old 01-18-2012, 04:26 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Three View Post
STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM


Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle.

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page.

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* Liquid.

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* Marriage.

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* Exams.

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half.

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet.

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands.

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

And we wonder why our school system is rated a the bottom compared to the world.
The questions were answered correctly if you know the english language
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Old 01-19-2012, 07:43 AM   #35
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Thats funny John.. My favorite..

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page.
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Old 01-19-2012, 06:46 PM   #36
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Default Situations Hallmark doesn't cover

Situations Hallmark doesn't cover

1. I always wanted To have someone to hold, Someone to love. After meeting you ...
(inside card)
I changed my mind.

2. I must admit, You brought religion into my life ...
(inside card)
I never believed in Hell Until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am ...
(inside card)
That you're not here To ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ...
(inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry ...
(inside card)
Someone other than you.

6. Happy birthday! You look great for your age ...
(inside card)
Almost life-like!

7. When we were together, You said you'd die for me.. .
(inside card)
Now we've broken up, I think it's time To keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time ...
(inside card)
What do you say we stop?


9. I'm so miserable without you ...
(inside card)
It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. .
(inside card)
Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life jacket ...
(inside card)
I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday. . . .
(inside card)
So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Mom Dad!
(Available only in California).

14. Looking back o'er the years We've been together, I can't help but wonder
(inside card)
What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!. . .
(inside card)
Too bad no one likes your husband.

16. How could two people as beautiful as you ...
(inside card)
Have such an ugly baby?

17. Thank You...
(inside card)
for the lovely relationship you have developed with my voicemail.
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Old 02-08-2012, 08:03 PM   #37
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Default

Zooooooooooooooom.......
http://autos.yahoo.com/blogs/motoram...155812320.html
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:02 PM   #38
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Default WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ

(Passing only requires 4 correct answers out of ten)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Write down your answers and compare it to the correct answers below. Be honest and tell me how many you got right. Don't lie to me, okay?

All done? Check your answers below!









ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ:

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
*116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
*Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
*Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
*November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
*Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?
*Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name?
*Albert
8) What color is a purple finch?
*Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
*New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
*Orange, of course.
What do you mean you failed?

Pass this on to some other brilliant friends.
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Old 11-02-2012, 07:17 AM   #39
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Default God and Lawns

GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds.
I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:15 AM   #40
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http://images.businessweek.com/ss/05...s/image/01.swf


Happy Thanksgiving...y'all!
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Old 03-23-2013, 02:18 PM   #41
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Default A Poor Choice of Words by the Pastor

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the
Plaque, "what is this?"

The pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

"Which service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?"
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Old 03-13-2014, 05:14 PM   #42
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.
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Old 03-14-2014, 06:23 AM   #43
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Hey Three
What was that the thought of the day or words of wisdom?
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Old 03-14-2014, 07:52 AM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mike85 View Post
Hey Three
What was that the thought of the day or words of wisdom?
Both....
It is the meaning of life (or at least the existence of on road racing in Memphis)
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Last edited by Three; 03-14-2014 at 08:11 AM.
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Old 03-16-2014, 11:19 AM   #45
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And its all my fault !
why!?
why!?
why I ask?
Tho I blame it on Obama. ..
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